This person isn’t real
But you might know them
Daniel (Dan, but only once he knows you). 31. Works as a junior architect in Farringdon. Has a pair of Common Projects for every day of the week. Lives in Islington. Being well into coffee is a big part of his personality.
Dan (yeah, that’s right — Dan) only dates girls (that he meets on Tinder NOT Bumble — he wants to speak first) that are at least 5 years younger than him. He has been single for 4 years because he ‘can’t find a woman on his intellectual level’ — his level could be described as ‘will confusingly explain complex political theory to you in the smoking area based on a 5 minute read of a wikipedia page’.
Dan has featured on beam_me_up_softboi several times, but he doesn’t know because he doesn’t follow the account. He does follow ‘Didn’t happen of the year awards’ though, it’s his favourite account.
When accused of gaslighting, he’ll laugh it off and say ‘YOU’RE gaslighting ME by saying that’, (Dan does not know what gaslighting is).
Dan DOES NOT like sport — it’s stupid, duh. He will exclaim ‘I don’t even know what the scores mean’ when it’s on the TV in the pub (The Islington Town House). Dan, more points is generally a good thing, I reckon you know that.
Dan has tried to read Friedrich Nietzsche several times but can’t get his head around it — fair play, Dan, neither can I — I’ll give you that.
Dan is surprisingly good at cooking, it’s annoying, but it’s true. It’s a well developed part of his ‘game’. On the topic of ‘game’, he *definitely* has a copy of ‘The Game’ by Neil Strauss in his room.
Dan always ‘knows a spot’. No need to check Time Out, just text Dan.
To his credit, Dan is very nice to his mum, which doesn’t make sense considering his general attitude to women he dates — but we all know one of those, don’t we.
Dan’s primary interests are:
Going to art galleries and collecting tote bags
Talking about coffee
Inexplicably drinking red wine at the pub
Designing his own tattoos
Carrying a sketchbook when he walks around London incase he spots a building that turns him on, allowing him to draw it and copy it one day
You can find Dan:
At the Barbican conservatory
Checking out blazers at Traid
Having dinner at BRAT, Shoreditch
In the comments section of Florence Pugh’s Instagram
